Leicester Family Contact Centre
St Martins House, 7 Peacock Lane, Leicester LE1 5PX
Supporting Children
Ten ways to help your children
Do give the children as much stability as you can – children find change difficult, especially when coping with too much change all at once. More than ever, it is important to try and keep to the routines they are used to. Be consistent in what you tell them so that they know they can rely on what you say.
Do encourage your children to express their feelings – let them know that it is okay to feel sad, angry or confused. As far as possible, show by your actions that you are taking their views into account.
Don’t use your children as weapons to score points over your ex-partner – continuing anger or bitterness towards their other parent is hurtful to children.
Do discuss the situation with your children and listen to what they say – Explain what is happening in a calm and straightforward way. Explain things in terms of how what is happening affects them.
Do help them to accept that the separation is permanent – Children often hold unrealistic hopes of reconciliation. The end of your relationship does not mean the end of the children’s relationship with your ex-partner.
Do reassure the children that it is not their fault – They may be secretly believing that the break-up is because of something they have done. Be on the lookout for clues that your children may have these worries.
Don’t have arguments with your ex in front of the children – This can be frightening and disturbing. Avoid situations where the children feel they have to take sides.
Don’t make promises about the future that you may not be able to keep – Don’t be afraid to say ‘I don’t know’ when you do not have an answer to a question.
Do reassure the children that both you and your ex still love them – it is only the relationship between the two of you that has ended, not your love for them.
Do get help for yourself if you need it to cope with the situation – see “Links” page
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